Life is tough honey, but so are you

I’m back!

Busy schedule, work life, seeing family/friends and finally training our newest addition to the household our puppy, I noticed I hadn’t written a blog in months. I’m going to be honest I do find it difficult to find things to talk about now I’m only seen in clinic every 3 months, so I let things build up then I can have a blow out and let me tell you things have blown up massively over the past 5 months.

The UK is on lock down and I’m in 12 weeks isolation with Connor and our 12 weeks old puppy- Teddy.

Let’s rewind 5 months and take it right back to 29/11/2019- me and Connor moved into our beautiful home. All the stress, sleepless nights, decorating, finishing touches were finally over and BOY! did I know it. The adrenaline had definitely been keeping me ticking over since 27/09/2019 the day we finally got the keys.

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First night in our home. 

 

 

Due to all the stress, anxiety, weekends and long nights after work at the house trying to get it finished for Christmas put immense stress and strain on my body. We honestly wouldn’t have got it finished if it wasn’t for our families helping us, we owe them a massive thank you.

Since being in remission they told me my chest would always be my ‘weak spot’ (due to my cancer being in my lungs and being left with a cavity in my Left lung) but it kind of goes over your head until something happens and you think. “oh they were being serious when they said that”. I developed a cough not long after we moved into our home, my ribs felt like they were broken again, my right side (my good side) felt like I’d punctured a lung- I think this is because my right side works harder than my left now due to my left not functioning normally. I was tired because I wasn’t sleeping and one major thought was constantly going through my mind.. ‘I’ve relapsed’.

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Sleeping on the settee because I couldn’t sleep in bed and my hot water bottle on my ribs. OWW

10/12/2019- it was clinic day. I got into clinic a week earlier than expected due to my symptoms and the amount of phlegm I was coughing up (sorry not sorry) I couldn’t cope and it was starting to concern me. I needed to know what was happening and if the cancer was back.

It’s always the same routine at clinic, bloods, quick chat and catch up with the lovely nurses on J94, then down to clinic where I sit nervously in a waiting room packed with people telling myself; “I could run now and not be seen”.

“Ashleigh Rimmer please”- here we go, I always look at Connor nervously then he gives my hand a reassuring squeeze.

After explaining to my consultant what had been happening and sitting there disappointed because she didn’t want to see my phlegm diary photos I had taken for her haha! She explained everything pointed towards a viral infection, my platelets and neutrophils were slightly raised (but not worryingly raised). She gave me 1 week supply of Amoxicillin just to cover me if there was a slight underlying infection there. She then explained she wanted to see me in 8 weeks instead of 12 because if it was a relapse my symptoms would worsen quickly and I wouldn’t begin to get better. GREAT! I thought to myself- basically I have to go home and watch and wait to see if I improve.

Christmas came and I was coughing again due to being hit with another cold. Inside I was panicking, it felt like I was forever having a cold and never being able to get over it, I couldn’t breathe, my chest sounded like I’d had 40 cigarettes a day, I was so over it. I was so deflated, it ruined Christmas and it was coming up to a year of me being in remission and I couldn’t stop thinking that history was about to repeat itself. No matter what anyone said to me, when its yourself and you’ve been through it there is no way you can think positively.

January passed and it was soon 04/02/2020, it was time for clinic again and I had started feeling back to my normal self, 6 olds later HALLELUJAH! My bloods were completely back to normal and I was back to seeing my consultant every 3 months. I do however constantly sit and think to myself (and I know I shouldn’t but like I said its hard) ‘it could have been a lot different and I don’t know if/how I would cope if it ever came back’- my biggest down fall is over thinking.

Anyway! enough of the negative clinic stories. Me and Connor got to enjoy our date night at Wilfred’s restaurant celebrating 1 year being cancer free. He surprised me with a balloon, it was the sweetest thing. We had the best time, talking about memories and how far we had come in a year! This was our last date night as a family of 2 also.

 

 

Friday 6th March 2020- Teddy Mills came to his forever home. He’s the new addition to the Mills household and he is so loved by everyone. Teddy is a golden F1 Cockapoo, he is the most beautiful puppy ever! 91520378_264054111261630_2110293594903412736_n

However having a puppy is a lot harder than we anticipated. Sleepless nights, late to appointments (and we are never late), puppy training, worrying is he eating and drinking enough; we can only imagine this is what having a baby is like, so that’s definitely postponed for a while haha! He’s so worth it though, I mean come on look how cute he is:

 

COVID19 the UK is on lock down and I am now isolating for up to 12 weeks after receiving a high risk letter from the government. Well this has put a spanner in the works- after waiting a year and due to start my training as of today on the Trainee Nursing Associate cohort. I am currently sat in my dinning room writing this blog with Teddy sat on my knee and Connor sat in the living room (he is also now isolating with me because I am high risk he can’t be at work) oh the joys!

To say I am upset is an understatement and I know I’m not the only person who’s training has been put on hold due to the virus outbreak but its beginning to make me wonder ‘is it meant to be’ having already had to postpone it due to my diagnosis and now this, I’m starting to think will it ever happen? But I have to stay positive, I have everything crossed I will still be able to start the programme when its safe for me to return to work, but it is very much still up in the air at the moment. I mean does anyone know what’s happening?

Its’ very surreal, nothing like this has ever happened before I keep asking myself; “I wonder if it was like this in the war?” Like everyone else I am very anxious about it on a day to day basis, my house has never been so clean!! But also at the same time I sit and wish I was on the frontline with my colleagues at AGH.

Sometimes though you have to put your health first especially when it is out of your control and that’s exactly what I am doing now. We are all safe and well at home and Teddy is loving the extra cuddles, that’s all that matters.

So to finish I beg,

Please listen to the advice:

STAY AT HOME!!91046110_208751517079815_3871554005322694656_n

 

Until next time….

Ashleigh Maggie x

 

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