Well where do I start?
A lot has happened since I last wrote to you, I actually can’t even think straight when I think about what I have done/achieved over the last few months. My life has literally been crazy!
I finally got the results I was waiting for after my biopsy and to say I was nervous was an understatement. It was the 03.01.2019. I was praying for good news, you know the saying ‘new year, new start’ as cliché as it sounds this is what I most praying for. We got to St James’s and I remember walking up to J94 (Youth Cancer Ward) to have my bloods taken before my clinic appointment (this is the normal routine), whilst I was having my bloods taken tears were streaming down my face. I remember the Nurse asked me ‘’what’s wrong’’ and I replied ‘’I’m just so nervous for these results, these determined whether I have more treatment or not’’ she hugged me tightly whilst I sobbed with fear. After 5 minutes I brushed myself off because I didn’t want my Mum, Dad and Connor to see me crying (I’m not strong all the time, but I think its normal to break down now and again…. I’ve been told anyway).
The waiting room was soooooo busy. You can’t even imagine it. Your sat there around 50+ people (just on that day and that afternoon) I always sit there nervously thinking all the what IF’s because as soon as I’m in that waiting room positive thoughts go straight out of my head! Literally. I always know when it’s my turn as my lovely Specialist Nurse has to get extra chairs for the consultation room due to the fact I always take my army with me unfortunately my brother Lewis couldn’t make the last two appointments due to work commitments, but he was always the first one I called straight after clinic to inform him on the results.
‘’Ashleigh Rimmer please’’
These words will forever haunt me. We sat down with my consultant and the first question which Is always asked Is ‘so how have you been?’ every time I start crying straight away I am possibly the most anxious person in the world now, I can’t deal with sitting around I just want to know my results straight away. It was good news; ‘’we have found no Lymphoma in your biopsy sample’’ I couldn’t believe it, I couldn’t speak I just cried and cried. This was only the beginning of the good news though, my consultant proceeded to say to me I can go and eat what I want WHEN I WANT, it was music to my ears. HELLO JADE PALACE, HELLO PRAWNS!!
Usually I would go to my clinic appointments every 3 weeks but due to the good news my consultant didn’t want to see me for 8 weeks but within that 8 weeks at 6 weeks I had to have another PET scan to double check everything and to make sure there was no new growth. So this is why you’ve seen me out partying, living my best life, because I had 8 weeks of freedom! You feel like you’ve just been set free, finished school again for the school holidays or let out of prison. Not that I’ve ever been in prison but I can imagine this is what it feels like haha.
During this time as you all probably noticed I got to do an amazing article for Burnley Express. I me and my Brother Lewis met with John Deehan who works for the paper and shared my story with him because I want to try and get as much awareness as I can out there. So if you read it online or bought a paper thank you so much I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!! Look Mum, that’s me on the front of the paper again haha! I still can’t quite believe I made the front page.
However them 8 weeks were over in a flash. I actually forgot all about the ‘cancer’ the ‘appointments’, I felt so well, so healthy but the nightmare suddenly became a reality again!
I had my PET scan on the 15.02.2019 then two weeks later I was back to Leeds for my results 28.02.2019. I thought I was nervous before but on this day I experienced a whole new ‘nervous’ I had finally got a bit of my life back, a new life and I became to realise that it could all be taken away from me again. This I couldn’t deal with.
That wasn’t the case because at 15:30pm on 28.02.2019 I got told the words I have been longing to here for 7 months ‘’it’s good news you are in remission’’. I couldn’t believe it.
I finally got to ring that BELL!! The sweet, sweet sound of the bell was amazing and so emotional. I only just held it together.
Pepper the Picc Line was removed, which I’m shocked as I weirdly miss it. What I don’t miss though is hanging my arm out of the bath or putting a protector on when I had a shower, I am now back in full swing singing in the shower or dunking in the bath. Its literally amazing.
I am seriously on cloud nine at the moment. The celebrations have been mental and I haven’t had a chance to sit down and process what has happened until this very moment writing my blog. I’m in remission, I did it, I beat cancer. My recovery Is still long but I will continue to focus and take each day as it comes. Slowly but surely I will get there. I’ve got so many exciting new chapters to come; going back to work and just genuinely living life to the full.
A very important message; I am going to be doing more fundraising and the blogs will definitely be continuing; they don’t only help me but they help other people and that was my aim. Thank you again for the continued support none of it has gone unnoticed it’s what keeps me fighting.